We are adults.
Responsible for everything that happens to us.
Guilty for all our decisions.
Strong enough to care.
We are children.
Open and amazed by the world.
Creative, careless, playful and cruel.
Egoistical and needy.
We are observers.
It doesn’t really matter what we feel or think.
Small specks of consciousness inside monkey brains.
Everything is determined and decided by something bigger than us.
We are gods.
I see your photos and nothing.
Why do I even keep you in my feed?
I see your photos and you are my friend I’ve never met.
I see your photos and want to see the world like you do.
I see your photos and the way your body moves and stops, I want to have you.
I see your photos and see you’re lost and I can’t help it.
I see your photos and your humor is pure love.
I see your photos like empty postcards.
I see your photos and I respect you as a friend I don’t want to have.
And I see your photos.
And they fill me with guilt and regret.
I’m ashamed that I wasn’t good enough to make you fall in love. That you don’t understand me enough to laugh at me. That I miss you so much and so selfish.
I am not entitled to love you.
To be dominant. To be assertive. To be pushy.
Or whatever good or bad you want to call it.
You need to take chances. All the chances.
Be afraid to lose an opportunity and not take your chance.
Being a control freak also helps.
It means that you can see clearly how everyone around you can fuck up great opportunities.
Because you know better and you’ve fucked up so many of them.
0. It’s not exactly about polyamory or sex. As you can notice that famous article is written by a celibate aromantic asexual.
1. I never felt jealousy in my life. And believed that love should be pure as wishing someone to be happy. Like you love your child or a cat.
2. We have a lot of norms and stereotypes in the society of how you should live. And they can work for you. But also for a lot of people they don’t work and only make them unhappy.
3. The main point of Relationship Anarchy is to tell you that anything is okay as long as it is consensual. You can be in any kind of relationship you like as long as it works for you.
4. It’s very difficult for me to build hierarchies of who is my true friend and who is just an acquaintance. Who is a one night stand and who is a romantic partner for life. Every person is different for me and anything can happen.
So. It’s a theory for everyone as confused as I am. And at the same time for those who start to realize what they really want and need.
I feel like that being a little bit confused about life makes you just a little wiser.
“He has not returned to his old Florence,
even after having died . . . ” Anna Akhmatova
The doors take in air, exhale steam; you, however, won’t
be back to the shallowed Arno where, like a new kind
of quadruped, idle couples follow the river bend.
Doors bang, beasts hit the slabs. Indeed,
the atmosphere of this city retains a bit
of the dark forest. It
is a beautiful city where at certain age
one simply raises the collar to disengage
from passing humans and dulls the gaze.
I’m quite shy around strangers… But once I’m introduced and know the name it’s easy for me to be straightforward and open.
I rely a lot on my intuition about people and usually quite right about what people are like from the inside. For me other people are other versions of myself. As they say: “Know yourself”, so I try to recognize bits and pieces of myself in others. Continue reading “Connections and Reflections”